Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Should you kiss a Frenchman first?

Last year, I got a comment from Stella about her and her Frenchman. The gist of it was that a Frenchman had been calling her to hang out but was yet to make a move on her and kiss her. She wanted to know what was holding him back and if it was okay for her to make the first move and kiss him.

First off, Frenchmen like to hang out. Their preferred method of finding a mate is hanging out with a group of friends and eventually pairing off with a girl. This could take months as it could take a few friendly get togethers that turn into a kiss.

In Stella's case, they'd hung out a few times, all instigated by him, but still no kiss. Why? Because for the moment, he was just hanging out as friends and still trying to figure out if he wanted anything more. While he was figuring it out, he would continue calling Stella to hang out. Once he figured it out, he'd either kiss her and catapult them into instant relationship territory, or he'd decide not to kiss her and likely disappear.

Now, while all this figuring out was going on, I hope Stella didn't end up kissing him. Frenchmen are traditionalists that like to be the one to kiss first. Also, him kissing her would give Stella the reassurance that he'd made the decision. Rather than her handing herself over on a platter and him just going sure why not.

Still not convinced? Still think Stella should have thrown caution to the wind and just kissed him already? Thing is, if she did, she may have found herself heading for a breakup a few weeks down the road once he met someone else. Reasons could be because a) he was going to kiss her but then felt like his power was ripped away from him or b) he wasn't going to kiss her but went along with it for the sex.

So you see, patience really is the better deal.


Datea x

Thursday, 21 August 2014

From kiss to relationship to forever after

For those wondering why I'm still posting on this blog despite being in a happy, stable relationship with my Frenchman, I'm just trying to help you girls out with my past experiences. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how I can help things evolve so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them! Anne suggested that I share the floor with other readers and their experiences with Frenchmen. Would anyone be up for writing a post? Do let me know in the comments!


I decided to write this post following Kamala's comment asking if a simple kiss with a Frenchman catapulted a girl into relationship territory. Okay, let's see if I can answer Kamala's question.

If you've hung out with a Frenchman a couple of times and hit it off, chances are he's already talking about how much he likes you, wants to kiss you and hold you. Remember, Frenchmen move at a breathtaking speed, so much so that they often say I love you around the 3-week mark. What this is all about is being in the moment, wanting to express their let's say lust physically and not following the traditional anglo sense of the word 'dating'.

As for that last one, 'dating' not being in the French vocabulary is understandable when you know that French guys like to hang out with a group of friends, hook up with a girl in said group and become exclusive. Boom! A relationship, just like that! I guess the dating part is replaced with hanging out. And once a French guy is ready to make a move, he'll go in for the first kiss.

And yes, that kiss moves you into relationship territory. Crazy I know, but it's true. For anyone wondering, what this means is that you're now an item, a couple, exclusive so it's understood that you won't be seeing, dating or kissing anyone else.

Now, hold on to your horses, that doesn't mean that your Frenchman is The One or anything. That doesn't mean that your relationship is going to last forever and ever, the end. It just means that you're in a relationship for now. It could last a week, a few months, a year, or maybe it will be for keeps, who knows.

If you're confused, let me put it another way. For a Frenchman, the kiss to relationship = dating for other cultures. But whereas in the UK and US dating allows you to see a few guys at the same time, seeing other people while in a relationship with a Frenchman just isn't done (unless he's a sleezebag and he's cheating on you). Not that it's really a relationship, at least not at the start. It's more a glorified form of dating with the privileges of exclusivity.

If it seems like a pain to be seeing one person exclusively who you just met a few days ago, you could look at it from a different angle. You're getting to know one person at a time. So no more mixing up what you told who! You also don't have to worry about who he's sleeping with... other than you. So less hang ups about STDs. Bonus.

However, before you find The One, you may find yourself having a whole bunch of micro relationships with Frenchmen. Just put it all down to experience. When The One finally comes along, you'll know exactly what you're doing.


Datea x