Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Frenchmen want sex early

Time for today's keyword search: Frenchmen want sex early

So do they or don't they? Yes, they do. They will try to have sex the first time you see each other. When in Rome... question is do you or don't you? A French guy explained to me last night that French women often just roll with this and have sex. This does not bode well for anglo-saxons.

To my understanding, Frenchmen believe that having sex is just a continuation of a nice evening out. It's a natural progression, a desire that should be acted on. Why? Because they think why not. It doesn't have to mean he's into you, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to date you, it doesn't even mean that he will call you. It just means that he's horny and wants to have sex.

As an anglo-saxon, trying to explain the concept of waiting to a Frenchman is challenging. Because they don't understand where you're coming from. They believe in expressing themselves. And if you want to reign all that in until you're a few more dates in, because you want to get to know each other more, or because you want to see where things are going first, well he might not get it. He might say something like:

You don't want me
I thought you liked me
I thought something was happening between us

What this does is make you feel guilty. Let's say he's taken you out for a lovely meal, you've taken a stroll along the Seine together, he's kissed you, you really like him. And then next thing you know it, he's pushing for sex. You might feel like you should, have sex that is. But that would mean he's pressuring you before you're ready. And it could almost feel like what I call "pity fucking". Don't go there.

So why do Frenchmen want to have sex so early? I think part of it is because they like their micro dates. They like to pack marathon nights out with lots of micro date activities. So you almost feel like you've been out 5 times before the end of the night. And by the 5th micro date, he's ready to have sex. And they're horny buggers.

Now, there's free will in all this. You can decide if you want to or not. If it's a no, it doesn't mean you want to wait an eternity. And if he doesn't respect that, then so be it. French or not, your Frenchman is a human being. If he doesn't hear you, then you need to bail.

* Disclaimer: this is my take on things, there may be exceptions.


Anonymous said...

For sure, I felt it was strange that american guy did not ask for sex the first night.. dating is a very hard trick for a French Woman!

Dateafrenchman said...

But what's wrong with waiting a little? Please explain it to me!

Anonymous said...

Pushing for sex? He's pressuring you before you are ready? Maybe he's afraid that you might never be ready. That it will take him ages to get back to you. That a dinner, walk, kiss won't create enough of a link between you and him. He wants to go the whole way because he might feel it is his duty to make you guys bound the deepest you could. Maybe after that if he is a nice guy not merely looking for a one-night-stand he (and you) will feel more comfortable because "the hardest" would have been done. The highest physical barrier between you and him already broken and overcome. Personally that's also the way I feel most of the time. The horny part isn't the most important. But then it might just be me...

Dateafrenchman said...

Hello there ? Feel to sign off with a name so I know who you are next time!
This is an interesting take on things. Seeing sex as a hurdle to get out of the way so you can relax and get to know each other. I'd understand if the guy didn't always do a runner. I guess the bad guys spoil it for the good guys in that women are scared to jump in with both feet.

Bises x

ames087 said...

I am loving your blog. I have my first date with a French guy on Friday. He's been in England for two months. It's helpful to read about the cultural differences.

Amy x

Dateafrenchman said...

Hi there ames087, glad to hear you're enjoying my blog. Do come back and let us know how your date went with your Frenchman... and other dates hopefully.

Datea x

Anonymous said...

Cultural differences are a Btch to overcome. The thing is French women make them wait. They have group dinners, outings with friends, and put them off until they are comfortable. American women are percieved as easy usually anywhere abroad, hence European guys will not miss the chance for sex. Wanna keep the french guy? Keep your knickers on. That simple. I was once groped by a French guy in a stairwell, who informed me if I went with him to his place I could stay the whole night. A quick slap and a few mean things in French put a stop to that.

Dateafrenchman said...

Hi Anonymous - Thanks for your input! You're right in that the French are very much into group get togethers. Which means that you may well be very good friends with someone and know them pretty well before you pair off with someone and become a couple. Makes it a lot more difficult for a foreigner though who doesn't have a circle of French friends to hang out with, at least at the start. Definitely agree with making a guy work for it. Gives you time to figure out what he's after. Good for you for teaching that guy a lesson! Datea x

Anonymous said...

What a great blog! Thank you! I'm dating a Frenchman at the moment in Montréal. I'm originally from Finland and I was so confused about his -very typical French- behaviour but reading your posts has been very eye opening :) I'm so gonna keep up with this!